Drapetomania (n) : An overwhelming urge to run away

I had a promise to keep to myself - that I'd write an article every month. And I kept at it initially. It could have a little to do with the excitement at start of something and urge to keep up to a promise. However, it fizzled out after the first few articles. Not because writing lost its charm or because I didn't want to write. I just didn’t know what to write. I thought of things, started writing and ended it as abruptly as I had begun. This continued until today.

I was working late. Amongst the last 4-5 people on the floor, most of whom I could not even see around me. Kicking myself mentally for being the lowly creature still stuck in office, I happened to glance outside my roman window (yes I have that lucky seat right next to the huuuuge window! Jealous much?) It was one of those nights when you cannot see a single twinkling star. It was a pitch dark night. But this night was flaunting a perfectly round, pearl white moon. I stared at it transfixed. The silent floor magnifies each sound. But while I stared at this heavenly sight, the chugging of the printer, ping of messages, call for attention from the continuous downpour of emails – all were put on mute in the background. All I could see was the pitch dark & pearl white moon with its shades of grey.

Right there, in the midst of all the activity and the urgency, my mind just ran away. It did not matter where I was physically, my mind was definitely somewhere else. Some place quiet. Some place calm. As I much as I wanted to stay put, I had to pull myself back to the uninviting desk and dull gaze of the laptop. But I did one thing before I gazed away. I walked up to the window, looked at ‘that’ sight again, stared at it with all my concentration and then I closed my eyes. I drew a mental picture – a huge window, pitch black sky, not a single star but a HUGE white moon – completely round showing off its patches of grey like an accomplished art work. I opened my eyes and walked away to face the drudgery of work.

That picture is my escape. When this world and its ways become over bearing, I seek solace from those few seconds. When I re-work that picture in my mind, for that time everything ceases to exist. I become my happy content self. Nothing irks me, irritates or upsets me. Those few seconds are just pure bliss.

Find yourself such a picture. It could be anything – a warm hug, a walk in the rain with a rainbow umbrella over your head, a rocking chair on the verandah of a house sitting in the shadow of huge tree with chirping birds, a sunrise over the mountains, a sunset on the beach, a roll on the grass with your dog, the laugh of a loved one. Something. Anything. Don’t click a picture of it. Paint a picture of it. In your mind. It is for your consumption only. It is YOUR escape when you get that overwhelming urge to run away.

Be Someone's

Be someone's Sunday morning; not just Saturday night
Be someone's first message in the morning
Be someone's 4am conversations
Be someone's last goodnight
Be someone's sleepless eyes
Be someone's always answered calls
Be someone's never deleted messages
Be someone's calm
Be someone's silence
Be someone's punching bag
Be someone's shoulder to cry on
Be someone's voice of reason
Be someone's reality check
Be someone's wind beneath their wings
Be someone's first call in any situation
Be someone's default ride home after every drunk night
Be someone's default '+1'
Be someone's safety blanket
Be someone's shooting star
Be someone's smile on a bad day
Be someone's aadat
Be someone's always available
Be someone's happy ending

PS: Be someone's mastercard ;)

SOLITUDE.

Numerous articles have been written on how solitude is necessary. Peace & quiet to connect with oneself. And with today's crazy life, I quite agree with it. Deep breaths, yoga, a long stroll and what not to help us find our self. So I thought to myself, since I haven't tried anything new recently, why not this! I did every one of those things listed above and more but still could not rise above the city noise. Early morning - didn't help. Late night - didn't help either. I could not point a finger to what it was that disturbed me but it was something freakishly close. A 'ding' and bulb lit up. It was the phone. THE PHONE which roams around with me everywhere under the pretext of keeping me connected. And the rare occasions when i forget it somewhere, it plays this enchanting music and lures me back. Like the bagpiper calling out to the rats: / So! I did what any smart person would do - i switched it off. As shocking as that is, I did do it. Well honestly, I had to - I was boarding a flight *sheepish grin*. A bumpy ride & lots of lightening later, we overshot the airport. While the captain calmed the janta down, I looked outside my window and saw this - city lights being left behind, engulfed by the clear black night sky. And amidst it shining bright as a pearl, a white full moon. Like a solitaire in a coal mine. And i stared at it enchanted. I forgot I needed to land to tend urgent calls. I forgot there were tasks to be ticked, items to be added in the To-Do. I just stared. My mind was wiped like a clean blank slate. It seemed like forever; like the moon smiled back at me and told me in as many words "inner peace" ;) - step 1 towards solitude.

It was pouring with strong wind. It was cool. It was the kind of weather where you just stand out and let the wind play with your hair; let the water tickle your face; let them plaster a smile on your face. Where you breathe, in deep long breaths, their very existence. Doors wide open, dim lights & some old bollywood songs. I kicked off my slippers, stepped out to say hello to the rains and play with wind. Came back to my room and sat down with the wretched technology again. But the force of nature, its allure was stronger. I set aside the phone, lay down on my bed, turned up the music and played with my hair like a retarded child while the cool breeze tickled my feet. Again, my mind was wiped like a clean slate. My music, its words, the tickling wind and pitter patter of raindrops. "Inner peace" - step 2 towards solitude.

So what is finding solitude? What is an ideal environment to connect with oneself? What is the whole concept of connecting with oneself anyway? It's nothing. Don't be fooled by such jargon of preachers. What I realise today is that you do not need any special conducive environment. You do not need any special from of concentration. You do not need to run from the incessantly ringing phone or the city lights - its noise. If there is one thing you do not need to work for, it is finding peace & quiet. All you need is to be selfish. Selfish enough to spend time with yourself.

5 mins to say hi to who you are.

5 mins to remember what makes you happy.

5 mins to realise what you've become.

5 mins to realise what you wish to be.

Or just 5 mins of a clean blank slate & retarded activity.

5 mins to cleanse yourself. To rejuvenate.

5 mins everyday is a sure shot prescription of managing a nagging wife, a lazy husband, a drama queen girlfriend or a pure drama boyfriend (yes they exist), an irritating boss, worrying parents, bullying siblings or crisis laden friends. 

Spend 5 mins with yourself. Just you. Be Selfish. *inner peace*

Waqt ki qaid mein hai zindagi magar

Chand ghadiya yahi hain jo azaad hain.............